Controversial?...perhaps

So anyone who knows me, knows that I was anti-choice (pro-life) until college. *cue Fundamentalists lamenting women going to college and becoming evil feminazis out to destroy everything and hate on babies*

Becoming pro-choice is a different post. Perhaps one I'll write in the future. But today, I want to get some hate mail from pro-choicers. I know, I know. Getting hate mail from someone when it involves abortion is too easy. What can I say? I like to know I'll achieve my goals.

Here it is. My big confession. I don't hate 20-week abortion bans. Before I immediately get vilified and my pro-choice credentials tarnished, I want to explain that I don't HATE them, when they're done properly. And that means there are a whole lot of caveats. Please, please, note that I said that they have to be done PROPERLY....if you aren't going to read, please don't vilify.

The Caveats:

1) Free and widely available high reliable birth control (chosen by a woman in consultation with a medical professional)

2) Comprehensive sex education so people will know all about #1, as well as things like 'yes means yes' consent, laws against rape, rape culture, etc. (this is known as abstinence-plus programs, for those who feel more comfortable burying their heads in the sand and pretending that if we don't talk about it, young adults won't have sex...excuse me while I go and roll around on the floor laughing my head off)

3) Widely available, affordable abortion care - including all insurance plans, Medicare and other government programs

4) Easily obtained late-term abortions for fetal abnormalities/fetal pain/death upon delivery or maternal health - if the woman wants one and it's indicated in some way, medically, I want her to be able to have one - and not have to jump through a thousand hoops

* Because of number 1-3 we shouldn't HAVE late term abortions for things like restrictions on time, wait limits, legal loopholes, etc. So if a woman finds out she's pregnant she doesn't have to jump through a million hoops to get an early abortion - it's available where she lives (not thousands of miles away) with a good doctor (preferable her family doctor or OB-GYN, but Planned Parenthood has some great doctors), and is covered by insurance/Medicare. And she can then get the affordable, highly reliable birth control if she wants it because she will know all about it thanks to #2.

This is a pipe-dream. It's very similar to what they have in a lot of countries in Europe (not that anti-choicers will acknowledge that when they start arguing that liberal Europe has some abortion bans). So before I get jumped on, just know, this is an unrealistic dream but one I hope will happen as more people THINK about things.

Not a lot of people (I can't think of any) really LIKE abortions. Especially late-term abortions. I, personally, really, really hate the idea. I've been pregnant twice. It's made me double down on my pro-choice stance, but it also made me extremely sensitive to what is happening during a pregnancy during the later stages. Most especially what medical science can do when an early delivery happens. If they can survive outside the womb (notice I didn't say, survive but then die a few minutes or hours later, in great pain because of a fetal anomaly), they deserve something. Some respect. Some kind of right to life. I'd actually prefer 24 weeks abortion bans because that's when micro-preemies have a better chance to live. Obviously, it needs to be up to a woman. She's the one who has to decide, based on the information. But I do believe that at a certain point in the pregnancy (and the Supreme Court backs me up) there is an interest in the fetus and its growing rights. (Growing rights - they aren't all conferred at once upon conception).

Unfortunately, I live in the U.S. where science is suspect and right-wing politicians somehow manage to keep winning at the polls. And without all those caveats I listed? - Well, I'm going to have to be "for" (if that's what we call it) very reluctantly, late term abortions for reasons that are NOT medical/science reasons.

What's sad is that I think most Americans might agree with me, if they had a chance to lay it all out on the table and write their own laws to be implemented. Somehow, we just keep getting screwed over.

My Mother-In-Law is Not a Monster...

I am going to make many people jealous when I write this post. But I have, a *gasp* NICE mother in law. She sends me cards and coupons for diapers nearly every week - meaning, she THINKS about me and how I always need coupons for diapers. She happily provides me with coffee and chocolate whenever we visit - which isn't often enough, since we live three states away.

I should really tell you - my own mother died when I was a teenager. I can't share my children's lives with her or ask her questions. But I am lucky enough to have a mother-in-law (and a stepmother), with whom I can share my children. We try to call them as much as possible. The kids send letters and drawings. I am happy to unload some of our artwork on the grandparents (and anyone who says they don't is lying!).

When my husband and I, fairly newly married, moved back to our home state, she welcomed us with open arms and we lived with our in-laws for a year. I was pregnant for almost half of that time. When I was pregnant, she provided me with whatever cravings I had - if she went to the store, I was sure to get a treat: a yogurt parfait. Apples (because OMG did I crave apples). Ice cream. Decaf coffee. Gummy bears. No matter what I made for dinner, it was delicious (I am not that good of a cook, believe me).

She was there at the hospital the day after I had my first baby. This was with our permission and blessing, because she very emphatically said she didn't want to "impose."She was the first person we visited after getting cabin fever with our newborn, and she made sure I sat down and rested while she held her new granddaughter.

Are you jealous yet?

If not, this next part might do it. When she talks with my husband, she tells him that I am a good mother! She says this with no bribery or inducements from her son. And when she writes me notes, she tells me I have beautiful children and I am doing a good job. My mother in law knows that people always blame the mother.

Kids acting up in the store - the mom clearly doesn't discipline them
Baby not sleeping through the night yet - well, the mom must be doing something wrong. Should have tried: acupuncture, chiropractic, not swaddling/swadding, rocking/not rocking....
Nursing stopped before 2: Why would you deprive your baby of all of those benefits?!
Still nursing your toddler: What is wrong with you? You need to cut them off before they become too dependent and are still nursing in graduate school!

And the big one for me...
Your 3 year old has a speech delay and isn't talking at the same developmental level as kids her age.
Well, you clearly did something wrong. You need to try.....

Not to my mother in law. To my mother in law, I am a GOOD mom. And it makes a world of difference to me to hear her say that. I can feel like the most rotten mother in the world, but I know just looking at one of her notes, or hearing her say that will help me rise to the occasion and try to be better. To be the mom she already thinks/knows, I am.

Thanks Mother in Law! You are rare indeed.