What a SAHM Contributes

I think there has been a lot of articles, and blog posts, and Facebook statuses, and memes going around that does a better job than I will of saying exactly what being a stay-at-home-mom means. One of my favorites floats around and gets republished occasionally, usually around Mother's Day.



I look it up almost once a week. Because, you see, unless something has a dollar symbol on it, I don't think it is really appreciated in our society by the majority of people. Except as lip-service. I was talking with some close friends of mine today, after I did something that was a totally stupid accident but that cost my family quite a bit of money. Which we don't really have. And naturally, it set off those feelings that I am sure all moms have, but especially stay at home moms, the ones that don't 'contribute' to the family in the same way someone who has a salary does. Guilt is a powerful force. Every parent struggles with it in some form or another: Did I do enough? Too much? Help enough? Help too much? Am I working hard enough at work? At home? etc. Life is hard to balance and adding kids just ups the ante. Anyway, when you start to fall down the rabbit hole of guilt, it is helpful to also climb back up by taking stock on what you actually contribute. It is helpful to see that when you do an art project with your kid, you are a preschool teacher. When you are doing laundry, dusting, doing dishes, you are a housekeeper. This morning you drove you kids to preschool and the doctor? Chauffeur. Putting up pictures, folding cozy blankets, organizing that cupboard? You are an interior decorator, professional organizer - you are making a house a HOME. That is important to children. It is important to society. I don't want to sound like a Victorian here, but a cozy and comfortable home is important for people to have, because the 'real' world is scary, and hard, and extremely not fun to deal with at times. Failing is easy but getting up and trying again and again is hard. And parenting is just one great, big chance at failure. At actually failing - to be 'enough' for your family, if you outside the home, or if you stay at home- and then getting up and saying, 'I'll try to do better today.'

After I screwed up, I apologized. This morning, I very carefully took off band-aids stuck on my daughter's stuffed animals. And in return, I got a big hug and a gushing "Oh, THANK YOU, Mommy!" It took rubbing alcohol and a few minutes of my time, but it meant something to my daughter. When I make them puffy paint and sit and talk with them or even paint with them, I am not being lazy. I am being THERE, to hear them talk about their days, their colors, and even just life. That, right there...being in the moment, whatever it is, with your kids, is enough to fight off any guilt you feel, is proof that you are contributing and are important. It doesn't take a dollar sign to show value. It just takes you being their mom or dad.